Let’s Flip to Feminism!

There is a massive shift occurring across the United States. Women are taking power and putting themselves in positions of authority that were historically reserved for men. If a female democratic candidate were running for office this year, she would win without a fight, and if Biden was a little bustier he wouldn’t even need to open his mouth. Personally, I welcome the change. Of course there is an adjustment period, and most men haven’t started complaining about aggressive sexual advances yet, but they will.

I imagine a scenario completely post transition where all the women work and the men stay at home. Lions are already on top of this. The alpha sleeps nearly 20 hours a day while the women hunt (go to the office) and the other males lounge around and compete in physical contests. The females bring dinner and the alpha eats first, in order to maintain physical dominance. He also enjoys relations with all the females. The analogous human scenario would be a little different. As mentioned before, the men stay at home and pump iron when they aren’t sleeping, and compete with each other for the position of top trophy husband. I suppose the largest of men would enjoy a great deal of “freedom”. Or perhaps the typical monogamous relationship would survive. In this case, the bulky and showy husband might be found cooking dinner in the nude (maybe in an apron) for the wife when she gets home from work. A playful slap on the rear would initiate the typical domestic squabble. “You don’t respect me! Make your own flapping dinner!” *Bedroom door slams* Probably not.

But no matter how this transition goes, it works out best for the men, especially men with a little height and muscle. Even more so if the gender roles swap completely. I want to be the “guy next door”, and get paid or receive special attention because I have biological… “things.” It flips entirely… All the cops are female. No more firemen. Guys already set excrement on fire all the time, and in the future they can do it just to get girls in uniform to come deal with it (keep in mind they pay to see things like this currently). Machines do all the heavy lifting. ALL OF THE DOCTORS ARE WOMEN. Technologically, we’re in the perfect position to let this happen. Of course, a lot of guys will be neglected, used and cheated on, or made to cry about their insecurities. Really, it shouldn’t be seen as problem and I’ll tell you why (even if you’re a dweeb).

I imagine living with my hardworking department manager wife. I have a gym membership at a club in the suburbs, and most days I go out to lunch with a bunch of guys and feel worshipped by the single professionals who come through the deli. They even objectify me and send dirty looks and cat calls. One of them explicitly states she wants me to “saddle up” for her. It’s awfully degrading. Cut to the holidays. I ask my wife for a Corvette just because I’m worth it. She refuses and buys me a new watch. Not cool. I cut my gym membership and get a new account at a nicer place downtown, closer to the law offices and hospital. I target the peak hours when the high earning women show up, and I make sure to shake it a little more playfully as they pass by the machines. And I do very well over the course of a few months. I buy the new Corvette myself and get pulled over on the way home. Pull up my sleeve and shift back into my seat and avoid a ticket. When I get home, I’m accused for spending too much of her money, so I admit to everything I’ve been doing. Then it gets rough. I go back to the gym. It’s a good day.

The best part of the new world is the holiday schedule. There is way too much feminine energy …flowing… in the professional world… THEY ALL SYNC UP! Every 28 days, the entire world gets 5 days off, just because. No one in the office agrees on anything, and the machines can do most of the busy work. Male nurses handle almost everything at the hospitals and clinics and doctors are on call. You don’t want to know what happens in the hospitals during those 5 days. It’s a very progressive world.

The men eventually start to pretend they don’t have needs… Their stress levels are lowered and they’re pumped with endorphins all day every day, so they really don’t have to try that hard. When the biological clocks of the ladies start ringing, things get weird. Desperate working women making wild advances in bars become ubiquitous, and the dried up, elegant beauties with banking investments that pump out absurd amounts of cash become the new standard. Thank goodness for sperm banks.

The joke is on romance. No more knight in shining armor coming to treat girls like princesses. Instead you have flamboyant, high strung giants in speedos holding out until they get everything they want. If you need romance, the nerdy, androgenous flower child down the street will bring you a cupcake while you’re at work if you take him to enough movie premiers and comic conventions. He might even let you touch his rocket. He loves building model rockets. But most of your handsome and kind young men won’t “feel pretty enough for you” when you want to get down. If you run your hand through their hair just right while they’re playing the new Diablo, they might let you hug them while they cut skeletons in half. Afterward, they’ll tell you they appreciate you. If you play the game together, they’ll think they’ve fallen in love. Unfortunately, the rest of the boys will be into each other, but they’ll tell you the nice things you want to hear, so you won’t hate it.

Then the moon crashes into the Earth… Just kidding.

Realistically, the world will likely continue to change in order to accommodate every unique lifestyle. Love will find its lovers, and people will continue to connect in strange and unexpected ways. The least likely of pairs (or groups) will find each other and make things work against all odds, and people will grow together and develop a deeper understanding of what it really means to care for one another. That’s my hope, at least. Fads will come and go. Relationship trends will rise, and the family will evolve. Spoiler alert… Nah. I don’t do spoilers. Ask the lions.

Published by dbmoore0727

***All views are my own*** I am a punk and a romantic with interests in all aspects of the world and its society.

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